Reflections

I'm just back from trng! Today Mr Istvan (the new epee coach) came down and he greeted me with a really firm handshake. He still could rmb me and Eve from that time when we went for trng at Europe! And he said Mr Geza's doing fine..I kinda miss him, his grandfatherly figure and warmth. Anyway, I saw the epeeists doing warm up which reminded me of trng back at Europe and I really wanted to join them! Nowadays warm up at trngs are not as thorough since the previous epee coach left. Foilists, sabreurs and epeeists used to do warm up together. Well, now that Mr Istvan is back and the epeeists are coming back too, things might change.

Individual lesson was short today most probably coz quite many sabreurs turned up today. I fenced Naz after that and really, this is the first time I pushed myself (and still failed in the end). I was panting alrd and didn't have strength to fence fast, but the fact that I'm losing hit after hit to Naz irked me and gave me the motivation. We weren't counting points, just free-fencing, but he won so many more hits than me. I duno where his new-found speed came from, and all my parries were mild or my distance was wrong coz he was too fast. It was this mounting frustration that almost made me shout out in anger. This is the first time I've come so close to yelling, having never done that before..and I discovered what it really feels like now, that suspressed indignence and the yearn to score a point becoz you dun want to lose. I know it's not right to let it run wild, coz it's supposed to be on a slow boil, not boiling over the pot, like wad Mr Wong said for sabreurs' temperament.

Anyway, something happened when I was online ytd. Dun want to blog about it here..all I want to say is I'm totally shocked. Flabbergasted. Dropped a bombshell on. You get it. But I've managed to clear the air, those who knew what happened. Haha. Other than that, I had quite a long chat with my senior, who is currently in civil defense and assigned a job which no one in their wildest dreams would've guessed, given his physique (assuming that he really did all the pt he claimed to do..okok I believe him haha). Nice catching up with him though..once a senior always a senior? Wait till you come back and let your junior beat you in fencing haha.

Last saturday I went for trng too and missed Ms Choo's wedding as a result. Congrats to you Ms Choo! Or should I say Mrs Tan? My best wishes to you and your husband! However, I lost something on that same day too and emo-ed the whole train ride back. It was a silver chain and a pendant, the silver chain being bought by my mum just about a week ago, and the pendant holding sentimental value for me. Me la..itchy hand, took it out and kept it in my bag before trng coz I didn't want the chain to tarnish and break easily. Then after I reached Clementi central, I realised I couldn't find it. I still held on to the hope that it'll be at Tss, that I've dropped it there somewhere, and I'll find it the moment I get there. Bryce was kind enough to follow me all the way back to look for it. Thanks man buddy..and thank you people for helping me one way or another. But sad, I still cannot find it (until now) and that was when the fact that I lost it truly set in. Haiz...why do people have to lose things before they truly appreciate it? The thing is I really appreciated it and I still lost it. Am I supposed to learn something from this? Yeah dun wear necklaces for trngs haha.

I guess loss is just part and parcel of life..no matter how cliche this sounds, I think life is really like a jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes, pieces go missing, and you just have to improvise and fill it in the gap with something else, accepting that that piece may not be as perfect as the previous one. How your puzzle turns out in the end depends on how interesting you make it out to be, how you perceive life to be.

That day I was walking home through Pasir Ris town park after a rain, and suddenly this flower just dropped from the tree. Then another dropped again, this time into the longkang by the side, unwanted. It was then that I noticed the wet ground was strewn with pink-tinged flowers, and it occured to me that life can be so fragile sometimes. Like the flowers' case, just one rainstorm and that's the end of their lifespan. But one has to accept the laws of nature I guess; there's still life after death, and the flowers will serve as fertilisers for the grass and trees, and the cycle goes on...

It's quite refreshing to reflect like that once in a while. I realised I've been so busy that I've forgotten how I used to do this? Ok ba it's getting really early and I've gota make dumplings a few hours later.
P.S. Did I mention that my grandma makes the best kee zhang ever? I tried one this afternoon and it's reeeeeeeeaaally good! Haha! Good night!