Loss

Sunday, 22/12/2009


There is something nagging at me but I dunno what. Like an empty space calling for my attention, it just perpertuates itself, spreading out, consuming my focus, my being. I really dunno what is it.

An empty space which used to be filled up with doubts, but also laughter and comfort.
It's eating at me.

Why is the human heart so capable of having so many compartments, each with such mixed feelings, that one does not know his/her direction?

I am lost. Lost in happiness, in sorrow; lost in thought, in confusion, in me.

Light, and the absence of light

Friday, 14/11/2009


If we have nothing to fear about light, why do we need to fear darkness?
Darkness is just the absence of light, not a separate alien entity on its own.
As long as you fill the unknown with knowledge, the nothingness becomes less overwhelming, less suffocating, and not so fearsome.


-Musings of the day by lyn-

I miss those times.....

Thursday, 29/10/2009

Random stuff that I used to do (on long train rides)




Receipt from 'Say Cheeze'


















Hardworkingness(for studies) = {Amount of input for studies} / (Play + Sleep + Time spent with loved ones + Responsibilties + Commitments/ Interests)

There might be such things as fairytales, but only you have the ability to make it happen.

Fencing is a form of art, not a sabre race to determine who is the speediest, most ruthless and most violent.

The well of knowledge comes from deep within oneself; the will to learn, to discover, and to understand.

A good dance never fails to make the heart pound with excitement in tandem to the beat and rhythm of the music.

What is true love?

Love goes beyond making your other half happy. It involves compromises, sacrifices, keeping faith and loving the other person's flaws and perfection. In short, everything that you've learnt in life. (I know, sorta an anti-climax here. I didn't know how to end it. Haha.)

Heroic ventures

tend to make the female heart

flutter with anticipation, tension;

turn like flapjacks

on a frying pan,
melt like butter on a hot toast.

(A haiku turned poem halfway.)

Sunday, 11/10/09

Love is fragile, like the flutter of gossamer wings;

yet love is strong, that it can withstand the forces of time.

-Brought to u by musings of the day by Lyn-

Historical figure?

Thursday, 08/10/09



"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness;
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people;
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry;
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day;
And for poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."

Audrey Hepburn



I love her quote.

Training!

Wednesday, 7/10/09


I'm getting my muscle tone back, and it feels sooooo damn good.

Random recall

Saturday, 03/10/09

Part of love, is a happy compromise.

I dunno where that came from. One of my musings of the day. Haha.


Ok time for some recall. Been studying the whole day today. Finally finished notes for the long and arduous chapter 2!! But but but....it's one only one of the 5 chapters tt I have to study by mon. Sian. Jia you jia you!! Lol.

Action potential: Na gates open and depolarization occurs. When threshold is passed and cell reaches peak, K gates open too. Soma fires electrical signal down axon when it receives enough stimuli. Passed nodes of ranvier. Myelin sheath speeds up transmission. Vesicles in terminal buttons contain neurotransmitters which are released into synapse. 4 things can happen: reuptake, digested by enzymes, cytosis, or binding to receptor sites on post-synaptic membrane.
Whew. Ok I did refer just a teeny bit. Hee.

Layers of brain: Limbic system, brain stem and support system-thalamus and cerebrum.
Limbic system:
hypothalamus-balance body's internal conditions, detect and correct changes.
amygdala-produces fear and apprehension. For long-term mem.
hippocampus-essential for long-term memory, or rather, episodic declarative memory.

brain stem:
pons-nerve fibres, connect brain stem to cerebellum, regulates slp and dreaming.
medulla-regulates body's process outside consciousness.
recticular formation-core of brain stem , controls alertness, directs incoming neural info.

support system:
thalamus-receives incoming msges from brain stem and sends it to parts of brain that are specialised in processing specific info. "central processer".

cerebrum-4 lobes:
frontal- planning, sense of 'self', motor movement, speech.
parietal- sensory, spatial imaging
temporal- auditory
occipital- vision

Ok tt's all..time to go back and revise more =p

Spring Cleaning

Monday, 28/09/09


Ellyn is back again! Suddenly feel like blogging again, no idea why. Haha. Probably a little sian of studying. Psychology test next Mon, 30% weightage!! (If I didn't get it wrong.) And I've missed like 2 lectures and duno how many tutorials, some coz of public holidays, the rest coz of my hand.

Yup, my hand. Time for some updates. Haha. First month into uni and I've alrd gotten a fracture. When I've been fencing for almost 7 years and have never gotten a frac b4 =_=" Stupid way to injure myself actually. For those interested to know how I injured it, read below:

3/9 (Thur)

Actually, it wasn't even netball . It was just a warm-up prior to being taught the rules of netball, before we started really playing. We were having inter-block games (for my hall, or hostel for those who dunno) about 3 weeks ago, and so I decided to just join in the fun. Well, I tried to block a ball and jumped, but my shoe tripped against the ground when I landed and I just fell backwards. I've never learnt to break a fall backwards, so I ended up landing on my butt and left wrist, but my wrist bore the most of my weight. (I know ppl have reiterated so many times NEVER to break fall with ur hand, but hey, better my wrist than my head or spine right?)

It just started swelling at 2 places almost immediately. But u know, sometimes u injure urself during exercise and it doesn't really hurt coz the endorphins still run in ur blood, so it just felt like a sprain to me at that time. The pain really hit only after a while when I was icing it, and there's this feeling of nausea and dizzines. And there I was thinking it was a bad sprain only.

4/9 (Fri)

So I went to see my sinseh and even he didn't dare to touch it, only wrapping it up with medicine to reduce the swelling. I went for hall ball in a dress and a bandage. Haha.

6/9 (Sun)

I went back to my sinseh, but when the swelling didn't go down, he advised me to take an xray coz it looked like a dislocation. Great. So I went to CGH that night for an xray and they told me a had a minor fracture on one side of my wrist and put a back slab (it's just a slab of plaster on the back of my hand, wrapped up with bandage) to stabilise the bone so it can heal by itself.

7/9 (Mon)

I happily went back to school thinking that my wrist was gonna recover in no time. Then that night, the hospital called and said a bone specialist reviewed my xray, asking me to go back the next day for an appt coz I may need an op. Double great.

8/9 (Tue)

I spent my birthday in the hospital. Lol. Dr Lim, the bone specialist was a funny guy. He was also the same guy who saw my bro, coz he fell 3 days before me, getting a frac and dislocaton in return. Bonus. We're really bro and sis man. Haha. Well, he arranged an op for me coz tt's the only way for me to get 99.9% of my wrist function back (dunno wad's the 0.1% tho), and I really want that, otherwise, I cant even rotate my wrist next time. Seems like I fractured the radial bone and ulna bone, but the ulna fragment was displaced, tt's why I needed the op. So he's gonna put in wires (he initially wanted to put plates but changed his mind) to stabilise the bone.

11/9 (Fri)

Went to the hospital in the morning. My op was scheduled at 9pm, but the previous op was delayed, so I ended up having it at 3plus instead. And imagine how hungry I was coz I fasted from 12am the night before. Lucky my stomach didn't growl when I was gg into the operating theatre. Haha. Anw, I was under general anethesia, so I had no idea wad happened after they injected smth into my hand and asked me to breathe from a mask. I guess the worst thing about the op is not being able to eat. Haha. Damn sian, coz the next food I had after fasting for 18 hours was broccoli, and I was trying so hard to keep it in aft my first bite. Lol.

I stayed overnight and that was actually my first exp of staying in a hospital (apart from the one time that I stayed too when I was very very young and I forgot for wad). Then the nurse kept coming in to check my vital signs lol and inject antibiotic thru the IV thing (bleh) throughout the night. I got discharged the next day. Yay! And went walking around Tampines with my mum. Haha. A big THANK YOU to my mum for being so supportive, she's been running to and fro the hospital for me and my bro during her sept holidays.

Anyway, they cleaned my wound before I went back home, so I had a glimpse of what they did to my wrist.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IMAGES MAY BE DISTURBING. YOU CAN OPT NOT TO VIEW IT IF IT UPSETS YOU OR IF U REALLY CANNOT TAKE IT.

When they took the bandage out, u can imagine my expression. My jaw was hanging. I didn't expect wires to be sticking out of my hand. Gross. But I've gotten used to it. Haha. Just dun come near me now, coz I'm a live wire. Hahaha.

Well that's roughly all. I'm on the road to recovery now, so when Dr Lim takes out my wires at the end of next month, I'll be able to go back to fencing! (Lucky it was my left wrist, not right, haha.) But byebye cheerleading =( I can't support my own weight that soon yet, so next year ba!

I got in!!

Monday, 08/06/09

Gonna start school in early Aug, for those peepz who are wondering.
I was so thrilled when I received NTU's msg! Haha. Whoohoo! Ok the thrill was like a week ago, but I'm still feeling excited tt I'm gonna experience campus life. Haha.

For the lag time before going to uni, I'm currently holding a waitress job. Now I know F&B is never easy, but it's interesting gettin to know food- and people of coz, haha- especially customers who appreciate ur service.

Oh yeah, and the reason I wanted to blog today is tt I just wanted to say...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I feel that I'm very lucky.

Hahaha. Seriously, all the good things in my life--my friends, my nice managers at work, my education pathway (even though I did regret not gg to poly), and last but not least, my very supportive family.



Guess I can say I kinda grew up these 2 years and am still growing, learning lots of things along the way. It's like I now know that the world isn't what I used to think it was-just right or wrong, black or white. Yeah, true that GP teaches us that, but it's one thing to just apply it in essays, and another to experience it for urself.



One thing that's stuck in my mind right now is this quote: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved, just to love and be loved." ~Eden Ahbez (later used in Moulin Rouge too). Dun ask me why, I dunno. Haha. It's just stuck there like cotton candy on ur tongue.

I went on a baking spree the past few days..

Tuesday, 10/03/09


Bread and butter pudding (1/4 of them in stomachs):

The original look:

'Nuts about u' (they're actually just alomond cookies but tt name popped into my mind)

The makings of my first-time-tried cookies. They look like scallops.

Tea bread, in other words, fruit cake, but butterless:

Chocolate banana cake:

Back to Basics

Tuesday, 03/03/09


Why is it just so hard to install a new blog template? Spent like one hour trying to find nice templates and there's just some error one way or another. Ok fine I'm a blog idiot. Haha.

Anyway, I went for work last sat. Working at SCH has really opened my eyes to the kind of Singaporeans we have here. Since we weren't given instructions to open the doors yet, a huge crowd started gathering outside, until it became impossible to queue anymore. Can you imagine--a curious lady who was wondering why the doors haven't opened came into the hall. And couldn't get out. That was the crowd size. Well, the problem was coz it was free seating, so it was first-come-first-to-choose-best-seats kinda thing.

So when me and Bryce opened the doors, it was quite overwhelming to face a big, and angry crowd. I felt like we were at the frontline. They started questioning why were the doors opened so late, complaining about how it's impossble to queue already, blah blah, and before we unblocked the door, one lady told the guy in front of her "I was here first". I mean, c'mon la, the doorway's jammed with people, unhappy and disgruntled ones at that, and she's worried about one person going in before her when she's the second one to choose from hundreds of other seats. =_= Another lady really made the punch line: "Who ask you all to open the doors so late? See what you get? Gate jam." Ouch. That really spiked my anger. The stage wasn't even ready, how to open the doors? But then again, customers are always right. Retaliating when there're so many other annoyed people behind her would be stupid.

Welcome to Singapore, lady.

Ok, enough complaints. Haha. Yesterday, I met up with Nan Xiao and Delia for bb. Jun Ying was supposed to come, but I guess history does repeats itself for her. Lol. We met a yellow ladybird and Delia started talking to it.

After that I went for trng at PRCS. Seriously, I get more bruises and injuries there than at Tanglin. Haha.

Oh ya..I cooked dinner the other night with my bro's help. Ok it wasn't exactly cook, since all I need to do was to heat up the pizza and the soup haha, but at least I made the salad. Ta-da!

Sorry, can't get the tuna salad to turn the right side up.

And I'm finally doing cross-stitch once again!! After neglecting it for like 5, 6 years? Haha.

Ok time to go. Ciao!

Reality check

Tuesday, 17/02/09

Sometimes I just wonder why there's so much to complain about life. The mess in the house. The bad economy. The rising cost of living. Household chores. So much that it's filling my ears up with wax. Haiz..the practicalitites of life. Can't people just appreciate that they're alive and kicking? Apparently that's not enough.

Anyway...back to the reality of life. The tuition agency didn't get back to me, so I guess giving tuition's out. Back to looking for vacancies at bakeries. Haha. having a part time job only is really boring, coz most of the time I'm moulting at home. (My mum's complaining that my hair is dropping all over the floor.)

Ok enough complaining. Just for laughs: The new head rotation warm-up. (Sorry, gotta turn ur head sideways to view it.)

Update

Sunday, 08/02/09


Hi guys, I'm back! Yeah I know, I haven't updated for eons. Haha.

Chinese new year came and is going--tmr's the last day already. This year I managed to put up some deco to get into the mood. Haha. But my painting's still half-done. Ok I wouldn't even consider that half, it's just my ceiling haha. But hey, it's tiring man. Here are some casualties of my painting endeavour:

But no matter how tiring it is, there's a sense of accomplishment after every paint job well done. Haha.

Ok, life's the same. Waiting for A level results (with nail-biting tension lol), part time at SCH, and fencing's still what's occupying me mainly now. In addition to cooking and baking haha. Cooked dinner on thurs night--mashed potatoes, 2-mushroom spinach , winter melon soup and our very own home-made yu sheng! It was really good (not that I'm praising myself lol) but but but...I forgot to take pictures! Urgh. That aside, trng last tues was fun! We played captain's ball instead and I've had much more fun at it than at soccer. Not to mention lots of laughing from funny things that happen--goalies falling off the chairs (but landing safely), players going for the ball and knocking each other instead, and having the ball rebounding off someone's head. Lol.

Anyway, saw this monitor lizard at my house's long kang just now. It came out of the water just to slither its tongue at me and my mum, before going back to the rubbish-strewn water.

Should be the water monitor? Haha..not sure. Courtesy of Wikipedia.

Well, the other day the female was a little agitated and I should say, horny. Haha. She kept trying to mount the male. (Shouldn't it be the other way round?) I seriously duno why she's like that. Maybe it's the time of the month. Lol. Ok serious, maybe it's the food she ate. Too many gua zi. Haha.




Oh yeah , and the Hua Yi Chinese Arts Festival at Esplanade the other day. Didn't get my fav part, but this is quite good too. The sound quality isn't that good of course--nothing can be compared to watching them perform in front of you, hearing the sound reverberate through your eardrums. Enjoy!

A new year!

Sunday, 11/01/09


Okok since somebody asked me to update, I shall. Haha.

2008 has just came and gone. Can't believe that I've finished my A's. Can't believe that it's finally holidas for me now!! Ok, not that I've been doing a lot during my hols, just lots of slacking around and playing, but it's really a huge relief to not have to think about tutorials all the time.

Decided to revamp my room, paint the whole house (but havent really got started yet), and take one step at a time for other things. Cleaned the house a little. Got a part time job. Pulled my neck during fencing (coz I was craning my neck the past few days to scrap the cornices). And got really confused one time. But well, that's all in 2008. 2009's gona bring me romance. Yeah right. Lol. Got that from the feng shui event I was doing the other day. So all horses look out, you may meet the One. Hahaha.

Anyway, a new year, a fresh start. What happened last year belongs to last year. I hope. And what is new year without new year resolutions? Haha. I wun make many for myself, coz really, they're not easy to keep. The only one I'll put here is to be true to my own feelings, and regardless of what kinda choices I make in the future, I'll make sure I'll think twice. No, thrice. Hmm..other than that, the usual I guess.

Ok shall end here now. Not much to blog about, or maybe not much inspiration today. Haha.

To everyone, I know it's kinda late, But HAPPY 2009 and all the best for the new year!!